05.07.2021

 I do not worry in the ways I used to worry, and I am thankful for that growth as well. I had a lot of growth I needed to do over the last year in relinquishing control, and I’m happy that I’m on the other side of it. My ego doesn’t get in the way of nearly as much as it once did. I can accept things such as we can only know as much about someone else as they are willing to divulge to us and I can accept that sometimes things do not work out no matter how much we want them or how hard we work for that outcome. It used to have some top tier depression, feeling really discouraged + lonely + alienated, and now that feeling is replaced with simple peace that I am thankful for. It always needed to come to this—to know in a way that goes beyond the intellectual self how I am all I can control and the rest I must just accept and love or not, but either way, I cannot control it or will it otherwise and must, at the very least, accept that.

"I have lost and loved and won and cried myself to the person I am today."